If you want to practise engineering in the State of Georgia, or anywhere in the Union for that matter, you have to go through a battery of tests and references in order to be approved to stamp off on buildings, towers, retaining walls, &c. Having completed these tests, and wanting to be able to get licenses in other states, I approached a third-party agency that allows you to get additional licenses more easily. Basically, they verify your background and vouch for you to other state engineering boards, thus reducing the amount of paperwork and time that would usually be required to acquire another state license.
So I set up an account with a company, which I will here call the ABCDE (American Bureaucratic Council of Documentation for Engineers) and went through the process of having them vet my background. One of the things I had to do was to send them a copy of my college transcripts. They include in their package a document that has to be signed, sealed, and embossed by the registrar stating that the transcripts are official. So I printed the form, and went down to Georgia Tech, ordered a set of transcripts, had them fill out the ABCDE form and then had them mail it to the ABCDE. Below is what transpired between me and them.
Finally, just like the name of the firm I used, all personal names have been changed as well.
* * *
From: Emily Gilmour
To: Dave Hodges
Sent:Wed, February 9, 201110:28:49 AM
Subject: ABCDE Records Program
ABCDE received the transcript from the Georgia Tech, but they are stamped “ISSUED TO STUDENT”. Please contact the university and request that official transcripts are issued to and sent directly to ABCDE.
Thank you,
Emily Gilmour
Records Coordinator
* * *
From: Dave Hodges
Sent:Wednesday, February 09, 201110:51 AM
To: Emily Gilmour
Subject: Re: ABCDE Records Program
Dear Ms Gilmour:
I confess to being somewhat confused. The transcripts are not any less official because they say “ISSUED TO STUDENT”. I thought that the ABCDE form – signed and stamped by the registrar – was supposed to handle the official nature of the transcripts.
The transcripts were issued and sent directly to the ABCDE. I did not ever see them, intercept them, or even hold them. I paid for them to print them and drove all the way out there to hand them the ABCDE form so that they could stamp them. I fail to see how having the words, “ISSUED TO STUDENT” somehow nullifies their official nature, as the registrar was required to indicate on the form.
But whatever. I realise that bureaucracies rarely employ common sense during the course of their activities, so I won’t waste any of your time. Bottom line: do I need to have them fill out and stamp the same ABCDE form again with another set of transcripts that doesn’t have the offending words on them or can I have them just send you a new set of transcripts?
Kindest regards,
Dave Hodges
* * *
From: Emily Gilmour
To: Dave Hodges
Sent:Wed, February 9, 201112:20:44 PM
Subject: RE: ABCDE Records Program
Per our application instructions, official transcripts must be sent directly to ABCDE from the university. You will need to request that the university issue official transcripts to ABCDE and for the university mail them to our office.
Thank you,
Emily Gilmour
Records Coordinator
* * *
From: Dave Hodges
Sent:Wednesday, February 09, 20111:43 PM
To: Emily Gilmour
Subject: Re: ABCDE Records Program
Dear Ms Gilmour:
Let me say this again: the transcripts were sent directly to ABCDE from the Georgia Institute of Technology. In what way are the transcripts not official? Did you or did you not receive the ABCDE form, signed and sealed by the registrar? In what kind of envelope did the transcripts arrive at the ABCDE records office? Was it sent from a residence or was it sent from Georgia Tech?
Please show me some form of evidence that application instructions have not been followed. You have presented me no reason to think otherwise.
Warmest regards,
Dave Hodges
* * *
From: Emily Gilmour
To: Dave Hodges
Sent:Wed, February 9, 20112:10:21 PM
Subject: RE: ABCDE Records Program
The transcripts are specifically marked “ISSUED TO : David J. Hodge - PICK UP”. The transcripts cannot be issued to the student, the transcripts must be issued to ABCDE.
* * *
From: Dave Hodges
Sent:Wednesday, February 09, 20112:29 PM
To: Emily Gilmour
Subject: Re: ABCDE Records Program
Dear Ms Gilmour:
You stated that the requirement was that they be sent directly to the ABCDE by the university. That requirement was fulfilled. They are official and the registrar himself sent a signed and sealed statement to that effect. They say that they are issued to me because I was the one who ordered them. Those things are not free, and I had to drive all the way out there with the ABCDE form to show them what they needed to fill out.
The official transcripts were sent by the university directly to the ABCDE. What difference does it make whose name is on the front if you know that they’re official transcripts?
My first question still was not answered though: Do you need another ABCDE form signed and stamped by the registrar or is all you need the transcripts with ABCDE written in nice pretty letters somewhere on it?
Another is being mailed now, but I need to know if I need to give them another form.
Hugs and kisses,
Dave Hodges
* * *
From: Maude Johannsen
To: Dave Hodges
Cc: Emily Gilmour; Gertrude Hoffmann
Sent:Wed, February 9, 20113:14:35 PM
Subject: RE: ABCDE Records Program
Dear Mr. Hodges:
Please contact your university to request transcripts to be forwarded directly to our office from your university. The transcript release form is not required, however, I am attaching the form to this email if you would like to use it. My department receives numerous transcripts from Georgia Technological University [What is that? –DH]. All transcripts received directly from this institution are listed as being issued to ABCDE. Please direct any further inquiries regarding your application to my attention.
I expect my department to provide excellent customer service throughout this process, but I expect for all parties to conduct themselves in a professional manner which includes using the appropriate language.
Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Maude Johannsen
Manager of Records
* * *
From: Dave Hodges
Sent:Wednesday, February 09, 20112:29 PM
To: Maude Johannsen
Cc: Emily Gilmour; Gertrude Hoffmann
Subject: Re: ABCDE Records Program
Dear Ms Johannsen:
The university was contacted and they agreed to re-send a copy of the official transcripts with a different arrangement of letters on the front label, though the content of the transcripts (the only thing that actually matters) will be completely unchanged. I wanted to think of a cheaper and more efficient way to ameliorate the problem but I could only think of three things in the span of ten seconds that would take no time and cost no money and accomplish the same thing. To be on the safe side, I also forwarded them a copy of the ABCDE form and asked if they could fill it out again and staple it to the new set of transcripts.
Your department has not ceased to provide excellent customer service, but my bafflement over the inefficiency of bureaucracies has increased by a small margin. Of course, this is to be expected, so do not think that it reflects poorly on you or your staff in any way – it is simply an essential trait of the type of company for which you work: enormous quantities of information, a surplus of paperwork, an excess of procedures and rules, and an absolute dearth of common sense. This is not to imply that you or your staff are lacking in common sense. It is to imply that bureaucracies by their very nature prevent and punish the use of common sense in lieu of following exact procedure, no matter how expensive or utterly useless said procedure may actually be.
I am not aware of any inappropriate language used on either side, but if you can point me to the words that give particular offence, I will happily retract them.
Affectionately,
Dave Hodges
* * *
From: Maude Johannsen
To: Dave Hodges
Cc: Emily Gilmour ; Gertrude Hoffmann
Sent: Thu,February 10, 201110:00:09 AM
Subject: RE: ABCDE Records Program
Dear Mr. Hodge:
Signing a professional email as “Hugs & Kisses” is inappropriate and offensive to my staff. I would assume in your profession you do not address all emails in that manner. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Regards,
Maude Johannsen
Manager of Records
* * *
From: Dave Hodges
To: Maude Johannsen
Sent: Thu,February 10, 201110:43:11 AM
Subject: Re: ABCDE Records Program
Dear Ms Johannsen:
I apologise for the lighthearted attempt at humour amidst a string of very frustrating communication snafus. I was under the mistaken notion that after receiving several robotic replies that failed to address any of my questions coherently, that perhaps the one responding to me was not even human but was rather some sort of mailer daemon programme written by undergraduate computer science majors. Therefore, the phrase should not have been taken as some form of suggestive advance nor was it intended to be received with an air of impropriety.
Nevertheless, since I believe that even bureaucrats might also have feelings and sensibilities like everyone else, I do apologise and retract the words as they clearly were misunderstood. At no point was anything inappropriate intended by the phrase, “Hugs and kisses.” Please forgive the imprudent use thereof on my part. Since all correspondence was requested to be sent to you directly, please forward this apology to Ms Gilmour and express to her on my behalf my sincere regret for the offence given to her. As you correctly noted, I do not use that phrase with all emails in my profession. In fact, now that I have had a chance to reflect on my actions, I now realise that the phrase presupposes at least a small amount of familiarity and congeniality, and is therefore completely inappropriate when corresponding with a company that epitomises depersonalisation.
I am very grateful for the service your department provides to engineers and surveyors, and if my application is approved, I will know then that the hundreds of dollars and hours I have funneled into this process over the last several years will not have been wasted. Finally, I would correct your misspelling of my name, but since it was probably not intentional, nor was intended to give offence, I will not make an issue of it.
Sincerely,
Applicant No. 57122
Hilarious! Yes, I think we’ve all had encounters like this one, particularly with government agents, but rarely do we take the opportunity to have a little fun as you did. It is good that we have a sense of humour, otherwise dealing with these automatons could drive us insane.
Funny stuff!
Do you have similar recommendations for dealing with idiotic traffic control devices or motorists?
Thats classic Dave.
Hi Dave,
Thought you’d dropped off the face of the earth, but it turned out it was only I who had. Glad to see you are still the same old Dave.
No man, I’m still around. I’m on Google+ these days. I deleted my Facebook account long ago. Great to hear from you. How is married life going for you?